The current mental state of our country is in dire need of emotional CPR. The drama-filled presidential election of 2020, the pandemic-driven social isolation and the uncertainty of what next year will bring has contributed to the ever-present feeling of languishing at best, anxiety, depression and fear at worst.
How To Be Happy
Many of us are looking for answers as to whether we can still be happy, and if so, how?
Even though our world has changed more in the last 5 years than in any other decade (who would’ve thought that smart watches, electric cars and overnight delivery services would be the norm right now?!), basic universal pillars of happiness remain the same. We just need to unbury them from the busyness and technological noise of the present.
What are the unchanging pillars of a happy life and how do we bring them into our everyday routine? Here are the top 10 things that contribute to a happier, more content life.
- Social Connection
The more technologically advanced as a society we become, the harder and more awkward it feels to strike a conversation with a fellow stranger. We often limit ourselves to interacting only with people we know and when these relationships grow apart (as they often do), our social circle becomes smaller and smaller. At some point we start to feel lonely. This would not be an issue if we could recognize the importance of making new friends as adults, but no friendship happens overnight. It almost always starts as an interaction with a stranger. So if we stop ourselves from striking up a conversation in the Target checkout line, we are not only putting ourselves at risk of a depleted social network but are also missing out on the excitement that comes from human engagement. This is especially prevalent in the younger generation of Americans who are growing up knowing they can run any errand (be it picking up groceries, depositing a check, or grabbing a coffee) without ever interacting with another human. And the more they avoid human interaction, the more difficult and awkward it feels when one is needed.
How can you be happier? Don’t assume people don’t want to talk to you. As long as you are friendly, authentic and don’t give off any creepy vibes they’ll probably enjoy a conversation that you start with them. And who knows, you may not only give yourself a happiness boost but make their day as well.
- Spending Time In Nature
There is something mysteriously calming about being in nature. Not much can top the peace and joy that comes from spending a day on the beach, hiking through the woods, or skiing down a mountain. In her book, The How of Happiness, Sonja Lyubomirsky proves that sick patients in a hospital who had a view of nature or a park recovered faster than patients with just a parking lot view.
So, if you want to feel better, instead of staying inside, try enjoying your lunch in the city park, reading a book in your backyard (if you have any green in it!) or bringing a plant to your office to elevate your mood.
- Making Time For What’s Important
We are all busy. In fact, for some silly reason busyness became a badge of honor to the point where if I don’t have any weekend plans I contemplate lying or making something up (I don’t though!). It seems like everyone around me has a “my schedule is full” or “weekends are hard for us because of XYZ ” kind of answer.
I also like to be busy, as being too bored may be the only thing worse than being too busy but being booked to the point of having no time for spontaneity can be detrimental to our mental health. In her book, Happier Hour, Cassie Holmes finds that if we don’t have at least 2 hours of discretionary time a day (where we allow ourselves to do whatever we want) we feel overwhelmed and unhappy. Activities that contribute to our happiness but are semi-mundane usually don’t get scheduled (hanging out with your partner just for the sake of hanging out, having after-school conversations with kids, staying in bed a little longer on Saturday, etc.).
It’s important to allow at least 2 hours a day for leisure or whatever we feel like doing even if it’s only in 15–20-minute increments. So, go ahead. Make that phone call to your mom or take the kids out for ice cream on a random Thursday night.
This is why when we are busy and things get cancelled, we often get excited. We usually end up doing something simple but enjoyable.
So, don’t overschedule yourself. The fact that your distant relative is throwing a baby shower for your other distant relative or that your kids’ classmate (whom they don’t normally hang out with) is having a birthday party doesn’t mean you have to say yes. It’s okay to say no and allow for 10% of your day to be unscheduled.
- Love
It all comes down to love, really. Whether it’s your parents, spouse, children, or your dog, spending time with someone you love is the best thing you can do for a happiness boost.
Can I still be happy if I’m single and have nobody to love? Look at the other 9 pillars of happiness. The more you focus on them, the happier you will become. And the happier you become the higher your chance will be of attracting not just “someone” but the right person into your life. Because when we are happy and love ourselves, we don’t settle. We go for what we know is good for us.
What if I’m married but lost “the spark”? If your marriage is worth saving (there must be a good reason why you chose to be together!) becoming a happier person may also inspire and energize you to rekindle that spark!
- Purpose
It’s hard to remain excited about life if you lost touch with your “why”. Why do you get out of bed every morning? If you struggle to find motivation to live your best life, stop for a second and ask yourself, “What drives me? What is important to me? What do I want to be remembered for?”
The answer to these questions could be as simple as raising smart, happy and well-adjusted children or it can be improving other people’s lives from the work you do. It can also be volunteering or getting fulfillment from an existing side project you’re working on.
Your answer could be as simple and small or as complicated and grand as you want it to be, but it’s important to know that your “why” is what drives you in life.
- Movement
Don’t we all know by now that daily exercise releases dopamine and endorphins which give us more energy and make us happier? It is recommended that an adult person spend at least 30 minutes on some vigorous physical activity on most days of the week. Exercise is an amazing mood boosting tool.
I don’t know where I saw that “sitting is the new smoking,” (maybe on a website selling standing desks that I came across) but this statement is really not that far from the truth!
The way an average person in the US spends their day today is so drastically different from what humans did 100, 50 or even 3 years ago. With 40 % of Americans working from home, we are at risk of sitting ourselves to death.
So, if most of your day is spent being idle then you may really want to focus on changing that. Simple adjustments such as getting a fitness tracker that motivates you to get up or to take more steps is a good start to feeling better. As I mentioned, I am currently researching standing desks and under desk treadmills to add more movement into my day.
- Sleep
This is so simple yet so underrated. Sleeping well may not solve all your problems but being sleep deprived will make it impossible to be in a good mood or stay positive throughout the day. Different people have different needs, but if you sleep less than 7 hours a night and wonder why your energy and spirits are low, you should start adding one hour of sleep to your daily routine. And then watch the difference.
- Self-Love
What do you think when you look at yourself in the mirror? If it’s anything other than something positive like, “Hey gorgeous, you’re cool, I like you” then why is that?
You are the only you there is. Sometimes we think we should accomplish something big or lose 30 lbs. to start liking ourselves, but for the sake of our own mental health, the order should be reversed. Learn to like yourself first and then accomplishing things will not only feel easier but will also be a lot more fun, because you’ll be doing it for a person you already respect and like 😀
How do you learn to like yourself though?
One way could be trying to re-wire the way you think about yourself.
Write down 5 things that make you unique and awesome and tape that note to your bathroom mirror. Every time you feel a crappy thought popping up, re-direct your focus to these 5 good things.
Another strategy that may work (that I saw on Jay Shetty’s Instagram) is taping an old picture of yourself when you were little to your mirror. It should prevent you from being too harsh on yourself when you remember that you are talking to this cute, innocent child.
- Friendships
This is pretty obvious and self-explanatory as we all know that having friends enriches our life, and happiness research confirms that. We cannot thrive in isolation. Not for a long time anyway. In order to thrive we all need to feel loved, appreciated and know that we belong. When you make others feel this way, the same feelings come back to you.
Spend more time with people who bring out the best in you.
- Optimism and Gratitude
In any situation, try to focus on positive aspects. Optimists are known to not only be happier but to also have more friends, live longer, and be more successful. How do you become more optimistic if you normally aren’t? Well, train yourself to find something good in any situation. Dog threw up on your carpet? Be thankful it wasn’t diarrhea and that it’s only an $80 carpet. Got a ticket speeding through a red light? Be happy you didn’t crash into someone else or get arrested. You get the picture. Try to look at the bright side of things. The more you do it, the more natural it becomes.
During times of uncertainty (like right now), it’s comforting to know that the parameters of our individual happiness don’t change as much as everything else and that what was true in the early 1990s (or earlier but I’m not that old to remember ☺ ) is still valid.
